Helping Victims of Domestic Abuse: International

http://www.gutenberg-e.org/rambo/detail/world-peace-shirt.html 

Trying to help a friend when you are in a foreign place can be daunting.  When the issue is domestic violence and abuse, not being prepared or informed can be dangerous for your friend, and for you.  Here are some tips to help you come up with a game plan.  As every country and case is different, you will need to adapt this information to your situation.

EMPOWER

Ultimately, it is up to the victim to decide what to do.  You can provide tools and resources, and you can give love and support, but the victim must initiate the action.  If she* is not ready, she could be endangering her life and the lives of her children.  If she is not willing, there is a chance she will return to the abuser and things could get worse for her.  What she needs to know is that she is capable of making her life better, and that there are people and resources out there to help her.

RAISE YOUR CONCERN

If you are witnessing abuse, it is alright to note your observations with the victim, and to raise your concerns for her safety and wellbeing.  Please try to do so in a safe and neutral place, and not, say in her own home and in front of her abuser.

This might be a bit trickier in an indirect culture.  You may want to first talk with a friend or family member who seems close to the victim.  When talking with the victim, you might want to bring up a story about someone else you knew (real or proverbial) who experienced domestic abuse, and let the victim draw the conclusions.

LISTEN

It is important you don't judge the victim.  Let her know you are available to listen.  If she is opening up to you about her problems, and she feels supported and encouraged by you, she might feel stronger to make decisions and take actions.  If she feels judged and criticized, then she will be less likely to share with you or with anyone else in the future.  Assure the victim that you hear and believe what she is telling you.

LET HER KNOW

It is not her fault.  She does not deserve bad treatment.  She did not do anything wrong.

She is not alone.  Domestic violence occurs in every culture, every community, every religion and every socio-economic status.

Domestic violence will get worse.  Even if the situation gets better for a little while, the cycle of violence will escalate.

Domestic violence is a crime.  It is not just a private issue for inside the home and family.

BUILD HER STRENGTHS

Leaving a bad relationship takes tremendous strength and courage.  Acknowledge the difficulty of her situation, but also point out the strengths that are helping her deal with and get through the situation.  Build up her self-confidence.

EDUCATE YOURSELF

Just because certain police and services are available in your own country, does not mean they are available to everyone in every country.  Familiarize yourself with what is available to the general public where you are.  Provided below are just guidelines:

LOCAL ORGANIZATIONS:  What local organizations are involved in issues of domestic violence and abuse?  What resources do they have?  What services to they offer?  Who are the key contacts?  Are there shelters for those escaping domestic violence?

LANGUAGE: It is essential to find resources in the local language.  Try to find as many different forms of media as possible (ie: telephone hotlines, pamphlets, web addresses).  Some forms of communication are not always accessible to the victim.

SAFE PLACES:  These include shelters but also other places where the victim may go when she needs to feel safe.  Are any of the local churches, mosques or community centres available to offer safe spaces?  Are they equipped to deal with issues relating to domestic violence?

LAWS:  What are the local laws pertaining to violence between couples or violence within the home?  What laws are in place to protect women or children?  What is the country's track record for upholding international rights or laws?  What legal actions are available to women against their spouse?

POLICE: Do the local police have personnel or a special task force for dealing with issues relating to domestic violence?  How effective is it?  Ask locals about the reliability of the police, and if anyone has known them to get involved in cases of domestic violence.

INTERNATIONAL ORGANIZATIONS: Some international organizations provide resources in a wide range of languages or have links to country-specific resources.   If you suspect that anyone is involved in sex-trafficking, know which organizations are involved in your area.

PROVIDE ACCESS TO RESOURCES

Victims might feel like their abuser is watching their every move, so you should consider how you might discreetly provide access to resources.  Perhaps invite your friend over for tea and then offer to her the use of your computer or phone.  Introduce her to people who might be in a better position to help.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

Ensure you are not getting directly involved or doing anything that could be putting yourself in danger.  Be aware of how your foreign status affects your involvement.  Be clear with yourself and with your friend in what you can and what you cannot do for her.

HELP HER DEVELOP A PLAN

Get her thinking about what she CAN do about her situation, rather than what she can't do.  Ask her about how she thinks she could protect herself and her children.  Let her know what resources and people are available to help her with her plan.  Having a plan in place, regardless of whether she decides to leave her abuser or not, is an important step.

CONTINUE YOUR SUPPORT

Things usually get more difficult after the victim leaves the abuser, so continue to assure her that you are there for her.  Perhaps set up regular check-ins to see how she is doing.

DON'T GET DISCOURAGED

It is easy to feel helpless when you are in a foreign country, and dealing with a situation that is primarily outside of your control.  Make sure that you have someone you can talk to.  Also make use of resources and people who are there to support those who are helping victims of domestic abuse.  Remember that even if your efforts don't seem to be making a difference, you are still doing your part by refusing to ignore the problem.

EMPOWER LOCAL WOMEN

As a foreigner, you may have limited time or cultural access.  If the issue of domestic violence and abuse is a concern for you, consider holding workshops to train local women so they can help friends and family who are in abusive relationships.  In my experience, many countries do not have a lot of education and resources available around issues of domestic violence.  There is a chance that local women would be receptive to these sorts of workshops.  Sometimes you won't know until you try.  Just make sure you fully educate yourself first on the local resources which are readily available, and listen to your participants who might have cultural insights you are unaware of.

References

The Red Flag Campaign, "Helping a Friend Who is Being Abused",

http://www.theredflagcampaign.org/index.php/dating-violence/helping-a-friend/

Stop Violence Against Women, "Tips for Helping a Friend",

http://www.domesticviolenceinfo.ca/article/tips-for-helping-a-friend-242.asp

2012

The Hotline, "Get Educated"

http://www.thehotline.org/get-educated/how-can-i-help-a-friend-or-family-member-who-is-being-abused/

Women's Aid and Refuge, "Support a friend or family member experiencing domestic violence"

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/support-a-friend-or-family-member-experiencing-domestic-violence.aspx

2006

Love: The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, "Helping a Friend and Family Member"

http://lovegoodbadugly.com/help-friend-family/

Information

HelpGuide.org

SIGNS OF ABUSE AND ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS

<http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm>

December 2011

PROTECTING YOURSELF AND ESCAPING FROM DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

<http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm>

January 2012

International Resources

No Private Matter! Ending Abuse in Intimate & Family Relations: In 2007 the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation began a project to select the most innovative and promising projects from around the world which sought to end domestic and family violence.  The winners have been selected, and you can find links to all 242 entries.

Hot Peach Pages: The goal of the Hot Peach Pages is to provide information on abuse in as many languages as possible, along with lists of abuse help agencies for every country in the world. Currently, they either have or link to: abuse information in 79 languages; and list agencies for 229 out of the approximately 238 countries in the world, http://www.hotpeachpages.net/

National Council on Child Abuse and Family Violence: NCCAFV provides public awareness and education materials, program and resource development consultation, and technical assistance and training in the United States and internationally.

Verbal Abuse: The Verbal Abuse website is dedicated to the recognition and prevention of verbal abuse in homes, schools and workplaces. A major online resource in this field.

White Ribbon Campaign: An international advocacy organization of men working to end violence against women. They are an educational organization to encourage reflection and discussion that leads to personal and collective action among men

VAOnline.org, <http://www.vaonline.org/dv.html>, 2012

This site also has links to country specific resources.

Worldwide Helpline:

International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines, shelters, and crisis centers.

from <http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm>

http://www.womenwholightthedark.com/pages/violence.html 

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*Both men and women can experience domestic violence, but since women are most frequently the victims, I chose to use the terms "she" and "her" for this entry.