As I get older, I notice I'm more susceptible to making stereotypes and judgements.
When we are young, our experiences are limited, our exposure to different views and beliefs are limited, and the behaviours we imitate are limited. If a very young child meets another child who is different from himself, the first response is usually to acknowledge the difference. From there, the response is either one of fear, curiosity, or an imitation of a response he has seen from an adult.
But at this age, it doesn't take much to change our minds. If you tell that child that the other kid is a terrorist, he'll accept it. Then he might ask what a terrorist is. If you tell him that the kid is not a terrorist, but a rainbow unicorn is disguise, he'll believe that instead.
To possibly throw all my theories out the window, here's a video on race relations through the eye's of children, by Anderson Cooper.
The problem with getting older is we begin to compare what we are seeing now with all our accumulated experiences, beleifs and observed behaviours. The more we see certain patterns, the more we begin to assume certain outcomes when we recognize a piece of the pattern. We start making mental short cuts.
EXAMPLE 1You are traveling in a foreign country and you see a beggar. You notice the beggar is wearing a kerchief wrapped around her head. A local citizens tells you this woman is a gypsy. (When we travel to foreign countries, we are often like the child, so we'll likely accept this to be true.) As you continue in your travels, you notice more beggars wearing kerchiefs, and you make a mental note, "gypsy". It seems the majority of the beggars are gypsies. Months later, you are walking through a mall and you see someone wearing a kerchief, you think 'gypsy', and clutch your purse.
EXAMPLE 2Or how about an example closer to home. You have a new coworker who is very quiet, who seems to work hard but doesn't participate much in the team. She happened to be born in India. So what? In elementary school, a gang of boys bullied you, and one of them was of Indian descent. But the other boys were of other nationalities. Then in grade nine, you had a best friend who was Indian. That is, until you found out she gossiped about you. Actually, she was Pakistani. It still makes you mad. Then there was that cab driver who totally ripped you off. Then there was your former boss, who you think is part Indian, who always took credit for you work. Now, when you look at your quiet coworker, you begin to feel anxious that she is plotting against you.
Is the response natural? Yes. Is it accurate or correct? No.
THE WISDOM
As I get older I notice these gut reactions - responses I didn't have when I was younger. I think the trick is to pause. To ask myself, why am I reacting this way? If I didn't have the baggage of my previous experiences, would I react the same way? Well, if someone is pointing a knife at me, then my reaction may be justified. But what of my quiet coworker? If I didn't connect her with all those previous experiences, I would probably have a more neutral opinion of her until I get to know her better.
As we build experiences and knowledge, we need to guard against these prejudices creeping up on us. There may not be much of a difference between the curious child and the grumpy old man who continually grumbles about "kids these days!" The difference might be time and an unguarded mind.
REFLECTION
* Next time you find yourself reacting negatively towards someone, take a moment to stop and become aware of what you are feeling and thinking.
* Try to identify what it is about this person that sets you off.
* Reflect back on other times with other people, when you've had a similar gut reactions, thoughts or feelings.
* Reflect on what's parallel between these scenarios. What's different?
* Ask yourself, what does this reveal to me about my own values, attitudes and beliefs?
Does Anderson Cooper's study contradict this post? Leave a comment!
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